How to Stay Off the Roller Coaster
Stay on the platform
Most people don’t realize this, but Rachel and I start this newsletter on Monday mornings. We hop on Zoom with coffee and workshop the ideas that (sometimes after many changes) eventually land in your inbox on Friday.
Some Mondays are smooth, but this last one… was not.
Between impending tornado warnings and week ahead that looked like a game of Tetris… I was kinda spinning.
Nothing had actually happened yet when Rach and I got on the call... but in my mind? It was buckled in for a wild ride.
That’s when we started talking about how some people have a remarkable ability to stay calm even when surrounded by chaos. While everyone else is screaming through loops and corkscrews, they’re standing on the platform, handing out Gatorade and puke bags, while they calmly watch the ride go by (and productively keep getting important things done!).
That’s the place we’re trying to live from.
The platform. Not the ride.
The tricky part is that many of us... especially those who are leading teams or managing projects, heck, even those of us with dramatic girlfriends!... feel like we’re supposed to jump on the ride with them. We want to hold their hand and say, "It's almost over; we've got this!" But let’s be honest, deep down we know that we can help soooooo much more standing on the platform than if we’re hanging on for dear life.
So... today's email is all about the lil practices that can make a big difference. These are the things I (try to) do to stay off life’s mega coaster and on the ground instead. It's my hope that these help you, too.
1. “My Thoughts Are Not Me”
Your brain produces thoughts all day long. Some are helpful. Most are not. Some are anxiety wearing a very convincing disguise.
I remind myself: These are thoughts I’m having, but they are not me.
That tiny bit of separation creates space. Now I can choose what I think about. Big picture thoughts. Not oh-my-god-we-need-to-put-out-
2. Hold the Kite String
My therapist once told me to picture my thoughts like a kite flying in the sky. The kite moves around and catches the wind, but I’m the one holding the string.
My thoughts can wander, swirl and dip but I’m still grounded. I'm the leader. I've got this. CALM.
3. Feelings Aren’t Facts
Feelings are powerful, but they are not always reliable narrators. For example, how many of you have felt like you're "behind" when there is no real timeline to even measure yourself against?
When emotions spike, I ask myself a simple question: What is actually true right now? That one question can do the trick.
4. Look at a Tree
This one sounds simple (and maybe silly) but believe it or not…it’s my “go-to” because it WORKS!
When my nervous system is running hot, my therapist will literally tell me to look at a tree. Not glance at it... actually look. Notice the bark, the texture and the shape of the branches. Imagine what it would feel like to touch it.
Within minutes, my body calms down. Nature has a funny way of reminding us that the world is not actually on fire.
So.... Here’s what I did during this very full week.
I reminded myself to stay on the platform. Nothing against roller coasters… I love ‘em… heck, I even worked at Cedar Point when I was 19 and was a big fan of the tallest and fastest each year.
But when our mind drags us onto a ride on a random Monday morning (and it will), grab the kite string. Ask what’s actually true. Look at a tree! Find the space between your unfiltered thoughts and what you really want to think about.
And whenever possible… Stay on the platform. Your partner, teammates, manager, company, kids... and most importantly, YOU... will be much happier for choosing calm over chaos.
