(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

It’s Women’s History Month, and I’m here for it! Today, I want to take a moment to spotlight two women who know what the phrase ”when the going gets tough” really means.  Women who didn’t crumble in the face of adversity and that I deeply admire. These women harnessed the power of the crucible moment to live better. Louder. Fuller.

So, what are crucible moments? Crucible moments are when you feel the heat. Moments when the loss was deep or the challenges daunting. The times when you thought it’s sink-or-swim and I don’t know if I’m going to make it.

When I think of my own crucible moments, I think about the season that followed my divorce. Trying to make it as a single mom. Living in a new community with virtually no friends and working a patchwork of freelance projects to try and pay the bills in the middle of the recession. I could have folded… but I found the strength not to crumble. I found my way. And today, I help others do the same.

Meet tw...

(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

I'm excited to kick off Women's History Month with some thoughts on a topic that I think every woman needs to contemplate: Is it possible to live authentically in this perfectionist world?

Sure, this is the month to celebrate accomplishments (and we definitely will). It's the month we recognize the women we admire, appreciate and respect.

In the spirit of leading an Anti-Performance Culture Revolution, I've decided to devote the first newsletter of Women's History Month to the topic of living authentically above all else.

Today's feature comes from one of our Travelers. Every time I lead a cohort, I gain valuable insight and inspiration from these incredible women, and today I get to share with you a few thoughts from Sarah Chick of Research Triangle Foundation (May 2022 cohort of 28 Days of Reinvention).

This is the good stuff right here. You might want to print and get your highlighter. Just sayin'...

Take it away, Sarah!

Hugs,

Jes

Living a...

(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

“People don’t have to like you, people don’t have to love you, people don’t even have to respect you. But when you look in the mirror, you better love what you see!” This gem brought to you by Sheryl Lee Ralph from Abbott Elementary.

You better love what you see… that’s the true test isn’t it? It’s where it all begins and ends. Over the last two weeks we’ve been unpacking performance culture and our need to kowtow to it. The trend is so pervasive that I dare say we might be addicted to the behavior. But to what end?

When we’re under the influence of performance culture, our reactions to workplace pressure and violations of our boundaries are heightened and extreme. We can forget what’s really important to us and lose ourselves in the pursuit other people’s approval and validation. Cue Sally Fields… "You like me, right now you really like me!”

As we round third in this series, Let’s spend a little more time on the differences between a performance ...

(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

So... last week I introduced the topic of performance culture. And boy, oh boy, do folks in leadership love to talk about this subject. CEOs and mid-level managers alike can’t pass up the opportunity to share their success formula that usually includes stretch goals, high performers and golden outcomes.

Sure I get it, but this obsession with performance feeds the narrative that to land a Series A round, be considered for the SVP role or have a storybook ‘meet-cute’ you must be perfect in just about every way. Hell, am I allowed to post an IG photo without lipgloss? Even Hollywood has picked up on this, in shows like WeCrashed and Super Pumped.

So, the question is: are we becoming addicted to performance culture?

Now listen, I’m a high-performer so the idea of turning away from performance culture can feel a little scary. After all, aren’t the two things connected?  The answer is… not always. Operating outside the influence of performance culture a...

(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

Frankly, we're long overdue. Let me explain. 

So... last week I ran into Ryan Ray, President and CEO of Jobs for Life, a very purposeful organization I deeply respect. As we were doing the whole “How-are-you? Happy New Year” thing, he dropped this insight that made me lean in a bit.

He said: “Most people are living their lives as if they’re always preparing for a big test.”

That made me cringe a little... literally. I have terrible test anxiety, so if every day felt like I was prepping for a big test, I would just dig a hole, crawl in and call it a day. But the crux of his statement rings true, doesn’t it?

We live like we’re going to be graded on our performance (and some of us are—here’s looking at you, Meta, and your off-the-charts employee performance reviews). It's as if we’re living on the cover of a magazine or someone is going through our homes with a white glove to inspect our progress. 

This is a fool’s errand. And it’s time for an anti...

So… some of you know that we ran a burnout recovery beta program over the holidays. The program, called Reinvention Rest Stop: Living Beyond Burnout, turned out to be a wealth of insight including one in particular that struck me as so surprising that I decided to share it here today.

Drum roll, please… 

Apparently, using the escape hatch to run to isolation is not central to burnout recovery.

In other words, the majority of our Living Beyond Burnout participants were actually seeking out community. They wanted to spend time with other people who were also feeling exhausted so they could compare notes, share recovery ideas and cheer each another on.

Here’s why it surprised me. Ask any burned out person the following questions and you’ll hear pretty much the same thing…

How do you feel about your work schedule? (Too much! Cancel all my meetings, please and thank you.)

How do you feel about your social schedule? (Too much! I wish I could say no to everything and just watch Netflix....

Since it’s the end of the year, you might be expecting a “pie-in-the-sky, shoot-for-the-stars” column. Well, surprise! This week I want to talk about cutting your losses. Finding your mojo in a sea of disappointment. While not pie in the sky…this may be just what the doctor ordered to bravely step into 2023.

I was inspired by the Glass Onion, the new movie on Netflix that is both a well spun murder mystery (I’ve watched it twice) and a raw example of the human condition. The characters are all driven by greed, pride, envy and an insatiable need for self-promotion. We learn throughout the course of the movie that while each one is wildly successful, the risks they took to obtain that success are leaving them vulnerable and afraid to cut their losses.

• Raise your hand if you took a personal risk this year and it flopped.

• Show of hands if you jumped off a professional comfort cliff and landed on rocky terrain.

Some of you took risks in 2022 and got burned, am I right? M...

‘Tis the season for fresh starts and New Year’s resolutions.

It’s the time when we look back at the last 12 months and toy with visualization exercises in the hopes that they will manifest into our wildest dreams.

Visualization… manifestation… I know. These concepts can seem like a bright yellow balloon floating above our day-to-day reality. But there’s a reason why these ideas continue to persist. It’s because they work. Since this is a column and not a novel, I can’t launch into the very specific and very real ways visualization (plus effort on my part) changed my life. But ask me the next time you see me…I love talking about it.

Popularized by The Secret and celebrity testimonials from Oprah, Jim Carrey and Deepak Chopra, to name a few, the concept of visualizing what you want has been around for a while. For decades, athletes, CEO’s and global leaders have used visualization exercises to achieve successful outcomes. The idea at its core is simple. Our minds are powerful. Focus (...

Well friend, it’s that point in the year where we attend holiday events and inevitably say… “Where did the year go?”

It’s true, these 12 months rolled by like Tina Turner’s “Proud Mary.” So if you’re reflecting on your key takeaways from this past year – good. I’ve been doing the same. Here are my Top 3 for ‘23.

1. Wherever you go, there you are.

This old adage holds true time and time again. A less poetic way to say it is, you can run but you can’t hide. The point is, even if you change the things around you (your job, geographic location or personal relationships), you still bring your patterns, perspective, doubts and hopes into that environment.

In April, I learned that lesson the hard way. I ran away to Florida. I spent money on self-care. I dialed back my 1:1 interactions with friends and family. All in an effort to hide from burnout. But it wasn’t until I turned toward my unease and into the stressors that were causing my exhaustion that I could solve for it. It took months ...