(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

Stop doing. Just be…even if it's just for a minute.

So often, we feel driven to produce. Do more. Contribute more. Be better.

Even when we’re doing something that feels relatively mindless, like scrolling through social media, we’re drawn to things that subconsciously make us feel like we’re not enough. Diet hacks? Plumper skin tips? Summer swim ads? Dream destination pics? The message whispered in your ear is, “You would be happier if you looked more like her or were sipping wine in Paris with him…“
Basically, the message is “Hey girl…”

“Whatever your present is, it isn’t good enough.”

“Why aren’t you doing anything to improve yourself, your life, your kids, your home, your job?

And that’s just social media. <Rolling my eyes.> We’re not even addressing the real pressures we all face and the real demands we tackle at work.  Throw the kids, parents, relationships in the mix…and it’s enough to… well, to burn a person out.

To regain your sanity, yo...

Warning: I’m about to say a thing that might hit you wrong…or step on some toes. And in the age of cancel culture, I’m asking that you hang in there with me. It’ll make sense in the end. We good? Okay, let’s go.

So…I asked a client how she was doing last week, and she said, “Honestly Jes, I’m fine. I’m rolling. I know you’re writing about burnout these days, but I’m not burned out. And in full transparency, I think many of my ‘burned out’ colleagues…might not be used to working full days anymore.”

I was struck by her candor. But then she elaborated. “I think some people worked less during COVID, not more. Now that they’re back in the office routine, they’re trying to catch up. Meanwhile, their well-meaning coworkers are filling in the gaps. Those are the folks that are burned out while others…just haven’t regained their footing yet.”

I took a day to sit with her assessment and while I couldn’t find a study or data point on this, there was probably some truth to it. COVID hit people ...

(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

Okay, here’s the deal. My friend and Oh, Lords! co-author, Terresa Zimmerman is a force! She’s the founder and CEO of a men’s underwear company called Wood (it’s okay to laugh) and co-founder of Sayhii a company that activates people in the workplace with purpose. She’s also a helluva golfer.

Recently, she invited me to be her ‘guest’ at a two-day, member-guest tournament held over the weekend. When she asked, I said, “Girl, you know I only look the part, right? I have the clubs, the golf shoes and the cute skirts, but my golf game is garbage.” She assured me I’d be fine and we’d have a good time.

Listen, I’m no dummy. I know golf is a beast. It’s a game that can tear you down and build you up in one stroke. If I was going to make it out alive, I would have to focus on three things: my attitude, my coachability and the beverage cart.

Result: not only did I survive, we had a ball (pun intended). Here are a few of my takeaways.

1. Give yourself tim...

(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

Seems like everybody’s on summer break so we decided to keep it light for the month of July. Today is the first of four light-hearted ‘lists of the things’ that keep us smiling over here. Enjoy!

To kick off this light summer series, I want to share with you three things I learned from the 2022 Girls on the Run International (GOTR) Summit, held last week in beautiful Minneapolis.

1. Finding your Passion is not cliché… it might actually solve a lot of the world’s problems right now.

The 400 women (and a few good men) I met at the Girls on the Run Summit are full of passion!  WOW!  They weren’t talking about how tired they were, or complaining that they have no time. No… these beautiful humans were vibrantly exploring ways to pour even more into their passion of inspiring girls to be joyful, healthy and confident!

Most of the women I met aren’t paid for the 15-20 hours a week they devote to inspiring girls. And many of them have “boss” jobs on top o...

(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

Last Friday I was having dinner at Rosewater with a team member when something cool happened. We had just ordered drinks and were happily catching up when Graciela, our server, popped back by. Her electric smile, genuine connection and sincere optimism took all of our energy up 10 notches in about 90 seconds. It was as if her energy was on magical currents.

Our evening went from nice to amazing in a blink of an eye. And that’s when it hit us: sometimes all you need is a 90-second refresh.

THE SCIENCE BEHIND 90 SECONDS

Now before you think I’m getting all woo-woo on you, I decided to see what was out there on “90 seconds” and guess what? Science supports it.

According to Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, Harvard neuroanatomist (also known as “brain scientist”) and author of the book “My Stroke of Insight,” ninety seconds is all it takes to let go of a negative emotion.

For example, let’s say you’re stressed. Pause ninety seconds to label what you’re feeling...

(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

I’m taking a hard left this week to address something that I get asked about regularly.

Many of you know that during the pandemic I left a role I really enjoyed to start my own company. And now, when I’m out and about, I’m often asked: “Girl, how did you do it?”

Sounds straightforward enough. But this isn’t really what folks want to know. The question behind the question is, “Weren’t you scared?” or “How did you know you could make it work?”

So this week I thought we might rewind and level set. Last Thursday, I invited you to think about the power of reinvention. I used the analogy of surfers getting up on their board and asked you to notice the waves of opportunity in your own life.

As a reminder, reinvention is the action or process by which something is changed so much that it appears entirely new. So, if that’s the measure, I’m an expert in reinvention. I’ve paddled out into the sea more times than I can count. Sometimes I stood up on my boar...

(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

It’s summertime and I’m coming in with beach energy and little umbrellas on my mind.

I’m also completely inspired by surfers! First, because they casually enter the “home” of sharks and jellyfish like it’s just another day at the office. And second because they paddle, paddle, paddle, and then, just as a wave swells, they artfully stand up on their longboard and — if timed right — swoop along the shoreline with grace.

If you’ve been following us here on TechWire, you know we compare burnout to a marathon with a finish line that is woefully out of sight. If we move this analogy to the ocean, the equivalent is a surfer who paddles indefinitely in search of a wave — but can’t catch it.

But savvy surfers know a secret. They can sense the shift in the water, and at just the right moment, they confidently stand up and harness the energy of the wave instead of relying on their own strength.

That ‘right’ moment – that moment is the first step to Reinvent...

(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)

If you’ve been following us here, you are familiar with our analogy for burnout… a never-ending marathon where somebody keeps moving the damn finish line.

Today, I want to talk to my cheerleaders who are standing on the sidelines holding bottles of water and signs that say, “Find Your Happy Pace!” I know you mean well, but be careful you’re not unintentionally slipping into the realm of “cruel optimism.”

Cruel optimism is a phrase invented by Lauren Berlant and adopted by Johann Hari author of Stolen Focus.  He describes it as taking a really big problem with deep causes in our culture (like burnout) and offering a simplistic individual solution in upbeat language.

Here’s how it plays out for our marathon runners.

You’re hot, tired and on mile marker ‘who knows what at this point’.  You’re scouring the countryside for a viable off-ramp when friends on the sideline call out.

“Hey! You look tired, get some electrolytes in ya!”  and

“You’re doing ...

So last week I wrote about the never-ending marathon that is burnout. You cross that coveted 26.2 mile marker only to discover the finish line was moved. You keep running a little dazed and confused and think to yourself, “what fresh hell is this?”

That’s what burnout can feel like.

But the reality is we can’t run forever – none of us were built to run indefinitely.

So what do we do? We look for off ramps.

One off-ramp, while tempting, can actually backfire on you. Can you guess what that is?

Quitting your job. (Hello, Great Resignation!)

Here’s what happens. You’re exhausted and burned out. So you say, “Drop the mic! Deuces; I’m out.” It feels GREAT to quit. You throw open the door to the next chapter, smiling ear-to-ear.

(Quick caveat: changing jobs can be the best thing that happens to you. I know. I’ve made a career from reinventing myself many times over…but before you hit send on that resignation email, hear me out.)

The problem is that your ‘replacement theory’ won’t pla...